


Crazy Little Thing Called Love

by scrutinizeandscribble



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Clothes Sharing, Cuddles, Excessive Punctuations, F/M, Fluff, Italics, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Angst, Nicknames, Pining! Shane, Realisations, Sexual Tension, Shane owes Elvis Presley, Sickfic, Size Difference, The Conjuring 2 - Freeform, shane-centric, tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2019-09-05 04:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16803322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrutinizeandscribble/pseuds/scrutinizeandscribble
Summary: 'Shane never understood what love truly meant. Is it attraction for one another? Passion and intimacy? Is it late night chatter under the fluffy layers of blankets– soft whispers barely muffled by the equally soft pillows? Or is it an amalgamation of them all?'Shane Madej has zero clue about what love is, until he moved to LA and met Ryan Bergara.





	1. I'm Not in Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time contributing to this fandom, so please bear with me. This is unbeta-ed so all mistakes are my own. Anyway, hope you enjoy this story. 
> 
> ps. I understand that they are real people and I respect them and their privacy. This is a mere fiction and it's definitely not canon.

Shane never understood what love truly meant. Is it attraction for one another? Passion and intimacy? Is it late night chatter under the fluffy layers of blankets– soft whispers barely muffled by the equally soft pillows? Or is it an amalgamation of them all?

It’s not like he’s a psychopath or unfeeling, it’s just that Shane never saw ‘love’ growing up, or at least a version akin to the ones that is always displayed in movies. As far as he can recall, his parents and most adults in his childhood life never displayed any affection for one another– not even a pet name; perhaps, it’s a Midwestern thing, where people are expected to be stoic and cool as a cucumber at all times.

Though in saying that, he was showered with affection, care and humor growing up, that it is safe to say that he became a very tactile and humorous person. However, his ‘winning’ traits isn’t enough to make up for his inability to love. In turn, his love life never thrived, relationships souring and failing miserably each time, because they wanted someone that isn’t some emotionally unavailable person who could only crack jokes in serious situations and is incapable of feeling something as easy as love.

At first, he was bitter– he would get desperate and wished to feel, but over time he grew to tolerate this quirk of his and relied on one-night stands and his right-hand to satiate his lust and other emotions that he’s capable of understanding; all the while, watching people around him fall in and out of love with a tinge of longing and yearning for the mystery that is love.

And then, one Ryan Bergara came into his life.

When they first met, Shane was nothing but an jet-lagged mess who had just arrived to the too bright LA from good ol’ Illinois, transferred by a company he barely gave a shit for because LA was apparently understaffed.

So, when his new Boss told him that he’ll have a local to be his buddy/tour guide until he’s all settled down. The moment ‘local’ was uttered out of his Boss’ mouth, he had expected someone that’s snobbish, fake and loves Avocado Toast too much for their own health– not someone that has a too wide and bright smile, unbridled excitement that could rival a sugar-high toddler, and big beady eyes that reminded him of an adorable, little salamander.

It was at that moment, he felt something that he did never before: his heart jumped up to his throat; dead set on making itself known like the attention whore it is, stomach fluttering in a manner similar to queasiness, and skin heating up pleasantly as if he was given undivided attention by the sun, or in this case, a sunshine personified.

The flight or fight instincts within him sprang up over this unfamiliar feeling, however, he rationalised with himself and blamed it on the change of weather. _Denial isn’t just a river, apparently._ A small voice chimed, sounding too much like his brother, Scott, who loves to love and to be loved and is a definite polar opposite to Shane.

Being the coward he is, he chose to ignore his own thoughts and plastered on a shit-eating grin instead, and unthinkingly making a wise ass crack to his new buddy, _Ryan_ , about how he better keep an eye on him in crowded places, just in case he gets hidden amongst average sized people.

He had expected his co-worker, _Ryan_ , to bristle and call him rude or worse– weird; instead, Ryan went ahead and guwaffed loudly– eyes crinkled at the edges and perfect teeth glinting under the shitty office lights whilst the boisterous sound of Ryan’s laughter filled the open office space and filled Shane with warmth– before quipping about how he’ll be able to spot him and his big noggin from any crowd.

It seemed like this Ryan Bergara is full of surprises; after all, he has destroyed– in a good way that is– Shane’s expectations twice and seem to have no plans in stopping because–

He never expected the particular sunshine personified to become his best friend–or should he say _ghoulfriend_ as Ryan affectionately calls him–and to never get tired of his anxious mutterings or wide-eyed passion for anything and everything; including the _supernatural_.

The thing is, Ryan and him are complete opposites. With Ryan’s ‘no-homo bro’ response to casual touches and Shane’s naturally tactile personality, to the fact that he is probably the most scientific based and skeptic person while Ryan is a harebrained believer who can stay up for hours on end making conspiracy theories– it is quite peculiar how they managed to get on so well and be best of friends even though they argue and banter more than the healthy average quota.

Not that he minds their differences and arguments.

Not at all.

After all, it is a part of their whole friendship and dynamic; even if it does start to get to him– which never happened or will happen–he simply has to remember the fact that Ryan has the humor and wits that compliments Shane’s sarcastic and weird one, or their shared obsession for popcorns, unpopular hidden gem of series and movies, and their tradition of going out or staying in together every Friday– without fail.

Okay. Now, he just sounds like Ned and Ariel with their Wednesday date nights.

It feels like Shane has to say that they’re not dating; even though their coworkers would say otherwise, he is very sure that they’re not.

They’re just friends.

A very codependent and intimate one at that, Shane admits.

Then again, after years of working together and basically be around one another 24/7, it’s natural and normal that they are able to sense the other’s presence without looking, somehow always gravitating towards one another during events when the crowd gets too much because people are tiring, and picking up each other’s habits and words to a point where they forgot who started the habit in the first place.

Right?

Admittedly, if someone were to ask Shane if he finds his partner-in-crime attractive, he’ll definitely say yes and give them a judgmental stare for asking such an obvious and frankly, dumb question. 

It’s hard to not lust over Ryan Berg _arm_ a.

It doesn’t mean he’s in love, though.

Shane knows that he’s incapable of loving anyone, Ryan said so himself last week while they were watching _the Notebook_ , as the giant had not cried and instead, was confused over the absurdity of the plot holes while Ryan was busy bawling his eyes out and getting snot and tears all over Shane’s sweater that he borrowed– more like stole, because according to the shortcake, it’s comfier and looser.

Sure, his chest felt like it was stabbed by a sharp knife when the big teary eyes and wavering chin was directed at him– which caused him to huddle his buddy into a makeshift hug while cracking jokes until Ryan’s sobs turns into giggles that was muffled by Shane’s chest and made the latter breathless over the sudden warmth and fondness that overtook him–but Shane was pretty sure that it was just sympathy and closeness that made him feel and act that way.

Even if he does love Ryan, he knows that his friend doesn’t feel the same way because although he’s no longer the ‘no-homo’ guy when it comes to affection, it doesn’t change the fact that Ryan is probably the most heterosexual man he knows– be it LA or Illinois. With how Ryan gets all awkward and jumpy whenever Shane jokingly flirts with him, it is pretty fucking obvious that Ryan is not interested in Shane in the slightest bit.

Somehow, the thought of that makes Shane’s throat close up and his chest to pound painfully, as if it was impaling itself onto a knife with each beat.

Maybe, it’s signs of heart attack or stroke.

He should probably get it checked; after all, he’s been suffering from these weird sensations for the past 4 years, and if he is dying, he should probably finish that movie marathon with Ryan and quit Unsolved before he kicks the bucket.

For Shane’s rational mind, heart disease seems more plausible than falling in love and that the emotions and feelings that overwhelms him when Ryan smiles tenderly, fondly referred him as ‘big guy’, or when he’s drunk and too out of it that he starts latching onto Shane like a koala, blushing and rambling cutely–

Okay, maybe Shane’s slightly infatuated.

Anyone would, really.

It doesn’t mean he’s in love though.

_You can’t cross out love just because you’ve never experienced it before, you doofus,_ a small voice sighed in fond exasperation at the back of his mind; however, this time, the voice sounded like Ryan, the man who expresses and feels emotion so freely and passionately; a man who Shane is–

decidedly _not_ in love with.

“Hey big guy, you okay?” Real-life Ryan softly asked, his deep brown eyes brimming with worry and hints of mirth.

“Uh– yeah. I was just thinking.” Shane swallowed thickly, moving his hand to run through his messy hair to keep his mind occupied from his unwanted thoughts.

“Dangerous activity you’re doing there, Sasquatch.” Ryan teased.

Instantly, Shane rolled his eyes and flipped his partner off nonchalantly before boring his eyes back on the too bright screen.

“Stop that, your big noggin might explode with all that thinking.” Ryan worriedly berated, hand on Shane’s shoulder and hips cocked to the side– pressing against the edge of Shane’s table.

“Worried about me, _baby_?” Shane cooed in response, finally rotating his chair so he could give Ryan his undivided attention, knowing well that Ryan won’t leave him alone now.

“Don’t call me baby.” Ryan stiffly commented while giving a hard shove on Shane’s shoulder.

“Now’s not the time to throw a tantrum, short stack.” Shane smirked, sliding in closer to Ryan to take hold of the hand that had just shoved him moments ago.

“Shut up, Shane.” Ryan retorted, closing in the little to no space left by slotting himself between Shane’s long legs; movements instinctual and almost like a habit.

Well, it is a habit Ryan does as of late– albeit one that isn’t so great for Shane’s heart and Shane not-so junior.

“What are you bothering me for?” Shane sighed, brows raising in surprise when Ryan averted his gaze and his cheeks began to flush.

“I’m hungry.” Ryan muttered soft and quick, barely audible and completely unintelligible. Fortunately for the Ry-guy, Shane knows him and his insane metabolism all too well– even more fortunate, Shane knows that this is the moment where he can shine.

“You need someone to feed you?” Shane teased, ignoring the usual song and dance that his heart does when he sees Ryan’s bashful side, all rosy cheeks and wide doe eyes.

“I’m trying to be nice here, dickhead. I know you’d forget to eat if I don’t drag you.” Ryan huffed in annoyance, tugging his hand away from Shane’s firm grip petulantly.

“You know me too well. Chipotle?” Shane cajoled as he stood up, which meant that he was back to towering over Ryan and that the universe is finally balanced once more.

Seriously, Ryan looming over him is not a pleasant image in his head, unless–

Shane really needs to stop with the gay thoughts.

“Yep, I want to eat at home though.” Ryan excitedly answered, his previous annoyance untraceable on his visage; smile stretched from ear to ear and eyes crinkled at the edges.

Immediately, Shane was overcome with warmth, spreading from his chest all the way to the tips of his ears. After all, Ryan did just refer Shane’s house as his home, as if they’re living together or something.

Here’s the thing, Shane’s apartment is definitely much smaller than Ryan’s but Shane rents the place on his own whereas Ryan shares his with his other two friends. Naturally, the fact that there’s more privacy at Shane’s, led them to making it their usual hang out venue.

This arrangement plus the bountiful amount of sleepovers and hang outs they have, Shane’s home started to have Ryan written all over it; from Ryan’s jerseys and clothes in the hallway closet to Ryan’s toothbrush that resides next to Shane’s – it definitely shows how much Shane is sharing the space with Ryan.

Not that he minds it.

Though in saying that, Shane is still not used with Ryan calling the apartment his home.

“And watch movies after?” Shane asked, simply to fill in the silence and so he could hear Ryan’s voice again as they packed their belongings away to their bags and shutting down their laptops.

“Hey guys, where are you heading to?” A familiar voice greeted them, too monotonous and low for it to belong to Ryan.

“Andrew! We’re heading home.” Ryan greeted back, smiling sunnily at Andrew whose lips are twitching from a barely contained smirk as he looked back and forth at Ryan and Shane.

“I see. Carpooling?” Andrew asked once more, disinterest and indifference colouring his tone, yet the mirth and playfulness in his eyes said otherwise.

Jesus, this guy’s an asshole. An observant one, Shane has to say.

“Where’s Steven?” Shane casually changed the topic, but his eyes were fiery with challenge and threat as he glared at Andrew– all while keeping his face and stance neutral to keep Ryan oblivious.

“He’s– in the dressing room.” Andrew hesitated, the faintest hints of blush rising up from the collar of his button up.

“Doing inappropriate things at work, I see?” Shane salaciously remarked, winking exaggeratedly to further corner the stoic man.

  
“You’re insufferable.” Ryan cuts in before Andrew could answer, tugging on Shane’s arm roughly to keep the latter from further antagonizing Andrew before he sheepishly apologized to the blond man for Shane’s behavior.

An appropriate and perfectly normal behaviour for the situation, mind you.

However, Shane decided to keep his mouth shut and not piss the little guy off. After all, being in Ryan’s good graces meant that Shane can pick the movies tonight– meaning he’ll be seeing more of Mulder and Scully, instead of some idiotic horror movie that involves pots and pans banging or levitating beds.

Unfortunately, that gave the smug shithead courage, which resulted in that said shithead antagonizing him once Ryan has his back on them, by mouthing ‘whipped’ and sticking his tongue out like the man child he really is.

Asshole.

***

Not to sound like an arrogant ass, but Shane knew himself well through and through. After all, him and his logical mind has collaborated for the past 25 odd years to a point where he can switch off feelings like anxiety and fear as easily as turning the tap off.

That ability, along with the inability to love anyone makes Shane who he is: calm, cool, collected. However, the funk he’s in makes him too spaced out and jittery to come off as his usual laid-back self. Even worse, it seems like everyone (especially Andrew) is catching onto this change.

Well, everyone except Ryan.

It’s a great thing that his best friend is oblivious beyond belief, because if he did start to catch up on Shane’s– crisis, the tiny guy might go all mother hen on him and won’t leave him alone, until Ryan knows who was the subject of the fiasco in the first place, and end their friendship of 4 years.

Not that he’d blame him for running.

Ryan deserves better than an emotionally inept white guy who would be deemed as ‘below average’ if it weren’t for his height.

“Can we watch Conjuring 2 instead?” Ryan asked, voice slurred and shoulders lax from the one too many beers he downed; however, the hyper focused eyes that was trained on Shane proved that Ryan was not that inebriated, _yet_.

“Hmm– and have you scream at every little sounds and movements? Sure. I’d _love_ that.” Shane sarcastically sniped, but he scrolled through Netflix and clicked on the Conjuring 2 before moving the coffee table that is littered with empty beer bottles and Chipotle boxes further away from the couch.

It’s a known fact that Ryan is a jumpy man, so he’d rather not risk his glass coffee table from breaking because one skittish man knocks it over with his limbs.

“You do love that, you _are_ a sadistic fuck.” Ryan said a-matter-of-factly, walking from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn while gesturing at the tv and back to Shane who was already sat on the couch with legs stretched out and propped on a tiny cushion; looking as comfortable as a cat under the sun.

“Eh. Debatable.” Shane waved his hand dismissively in the air, almost slapping the bowl of fresh popcorn because his buddy had chose to dump it on Shane’s lap when he was clearly doing something with his long limbs.

“Stilts, watch the popcorn.” Ryan muttered playfully as he stepped over Shane’s legs, before unceremoniously plopping himself onto the space beside Shane and placing his head on Shane’s shoulder casually– causing his hair to tickle Shane’s exposed neck and the side of his glasses to dig into the tall man’s shoulder.

It’s not comfortable to say the least, but the content purr coming out of Ryan’s mouth made it all worth it, and if Shane himself let out a pleased sigh, well– it’s only for him to know.

With that, they immersed themselves to the creepy and gloomy scenes whilst occasionally stuffing their mouths with popcorn– the crunching and munching barely registered in Shane’s mind.

Regrettably, that peaceful glory soon fell harder than the Rome Empire when the biggest jumpscare came around and frighten the fuck out of Mr. Jumpy Man.

Ryan screeched like a banshee the moment the Nun appeared right before the camera, causing Shane’s bubbling wheezes to release itself free to the small apartment– barely audible yet too powerful to be controlled.

“I fucking hate you.” Ryan pathetically whimpered and glared hotly at Shane; however, the tight grip Ryan has on Shane’s arm, the manner he curled himself around that said arm and the skittish look on his face made it hard for Shane to take the scaredy cat seriously.

“Sure you do.” Shane nodded agreeably, before cracking up and going for another round of wheezing.

“Jerkface.” Ryan huffed, his voice too shaky and upset for Shane’s comfort that he immediately sobered up from his outburst and immediately thought of ways to smooth Ryan’s ruffled feathers.

The temptation to console Ryan and huddle the little ball of anxiety was overwhelming, but with all the extra tactility coming from Ryan tonight, being tender and soft would just make everything too– intimate, which surely makes it harder to keep Ryan from knowing his recently acknowledged infatuation.

Fuck.

To comfort, or not to comfort?

“It’s just a nun, baby.” Shane consoled unthinkingly, mouth running and making the decision for him before he realised it. Not only that, his unoccupied hand seemed to automatically move to slowly rub on Ryan’s arm to stop the latter’s body from shaking like a leaf.

“She’s not just a _nun_.” Ryan sputtered out, somehow unbothered by the pet name thrown or the hand on his arm and instead, curled himself impossibly tighter around Shane’s already numb arm.

“Of course she’s not, she’s an emo nun. I bet she still listens to my chemical romance.” Shane mused, placing his index finger against his pursed lips as though he was some philosopher contemplating the meaning of life itself.

He knows that it makes him look and sound like an asshole; however, he too knows that it is a much more platonic and friend-appropriate method to distract his anxiety-riddled friend from his fears.

“Shut up, Shane.” Ryan wheezed infectiously, his warm brown eyes looking less beady and back to its usual sweet and warm, molasses like state as he incredulously looked at Shane.

God, it should be illegal for someone to look that gorgeous and adorable.

“You okay, big guy?” Ryan tenderly whispered, bringing Shane to the realisation that he’d been staring at Ryan’s captivating eyes for a little too long as if he was some fool in love.

“I’m good.” Shane mumbled, the cold sharp feeling of being caught settling on his stomach as he tore his eyes away from Ryan’s face and press play on the movie; filling the apartment with noise to keep Ryan from pressing on.

Thankfully, Ryan got the memo that he doesn’t want to talk about it and returned his gaze back to the television himself– albeit with a pout that was too deadly and magnetic for Shane’s certain _appendage,_ forcing him to slouch further into the couch to discreetly adjust his package under the sweatpants he’s wearing.

Shane being the dumb fuck he is, was so occupied with hiding his _friend_ that he didn’t consider the probability of the clinging koala toppling from the sudden shift of position until he heard an undignified squeal and felt a heavy thud on his chest.

“You asshat.” Ryan squeaked as he sat up, causing Shane to involuntarily unleash peals of laughter that seemed to infect Ryan as well, as his annoyance melted off into giggles– dissipating whatever tension and coldness that was haunting them minutes ago.

With all the newfound lightness floating in the atmosphere, Shane didn’t even freeze when Ryan brought his knees to his chest and unexpectedly laid his head on Shane’s chest; instead, Shane simply wrapped his hand around Ryan’s shoulders and pulled the dark haired man closer to him, easily blaming the cuddly nature of their movie night on the dozen of beers they downed.

However, the excuses and rationalising was obliterated into nothingness when the power of Elvis’ crooning about falling in love and Ryan with his soft smile combined forces. At that moment, he finally opened his eyes and realised that whatever he felt for Ryan; it wasn’t infatuation,

Or the hot and balmy weather;

It was the mystery that Shane never seemed to uncover before.

It was love,

And it scares the shit out of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is inspired by 10cc's I'm not in Love.


	2. L.O.V.E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Shane realised and came to terms with his feelings, he chose to avoid Ryan to stop making a fool out of himself; however, this resulted in a sick and cuddly Ryan, leaving Shane to care for Ryan because that's what best friends do, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back? Back again? 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who left kudos and took the time to read my story, I greatly appreciate it!
> 
> I'm so sorry for the lacklustre chapter– I'm terrible at writing fluff or writing anything, for that matter. I've been so unmotivated and uninspired as of late, but I hope the story and pacing is still good enough for it to be an enjoyable reading material.

Shane was proud to say that he’s a cautious man, be it with his words or his actions; always keeping people at arm’s reach and the walls around his life, strong and tall. In some ways, it does come off as suspicious or shady– the fans went so far to calling him a demon for his very ambiguous past and personal life– but Shane was more than happy to keep it that way.

Don’t get him wrong and assume that he’s ashamed of his family and life; it’s just that he thinks that it’s no one’s business as to who his family are or what his childhood was like.

Many would say that knowing someone’s past makes the relationship much more intimate and secure, but the thing is– every relationship has an end to it, so why bother? Why put himself on the line of fire and open up to someone who would walk away the moment they realised that he’d be emotionally unavailable to him?

It’s not like his past and who his family are defines who he is anyway.

Even his reserved personality doesn’t dictate his life; for one, it didn’t stop him from doing something as open and public as becoming a social media star or working for Buzzfeed– a company notorious with gossipers and eyes more observant than an FBI agent.

_It didn’t stop you from opening up to Ryan either,_ the sound of Scott’s smug voice sung in his head as if he was fucking pleased with himself for rubbing the fact that Shane was being irrational and the opposite of careful.

God, even his own subconscious is a going against him–

Not that he’d blame his own head.

After all, he is stupidly– in love with Ryan.

The ever competitive and good natured Ryan, who somehow made Shane feel so safe and secure that he readily opened up the doors to his life in Illinois and his family for Ryan.

He remembered the first time he offered Ryan to see his family like yesterday, even though it happened Christmas 2 years ago.

It was after wrapping up their filming for another supernatural season in Illinois; the snow– white and oh so magical as it covered every surface it could touch like icing, matching red noses and fluffy scarves, the little joke Ryan made about Shane finally being in his habitat and, most memorable of them all–

The soft watery smile that Ryan had on his face when he said yes.

Then, he remembered the way the nervousness thrum under his skin the closer they got to his childhood home, the way Ryan beamed at him and questioned animatedly about his parents and brother as if his life depended on it, the way his family immediately took a liking for Ryan and vice versa.

He even remembered the embarrassment he felt when his family were so eager to show and tell every single antic that young Shane did, or when his beloved mother had told Shane that Ryan’s a keeper for knowing Shane better than his own mother did– in front of Ryan himself, resulting in a lot of stammering and awkwardness from Ryan about misunderstandings while Shane was too shocked to even form words.

Thinking back to it, Shane should’ve been less oblivious about his love for Ryan.

After all, he’s gone and broke his tradition of keeping his friends in the dark about his private life for Ryan. Not only that, he actively kept the door open to Ryan again and again: bringing him to Illinois each time Shane is visiting, involving him during his weekly video calls he has with his mother, and readily telling him about Shane’s past each time he asks about it.

Really, he should’ve been more aware.

Then again, he was the king of denial and reasoning.

He knows that before the realisation, he would’ve pinpointed his carelessness on the fact that Shane wants to reciprocate Ryan openness when it comes to the latter’s family and that he felt guilty to keep Ryan in the dark when he was already well acquainted with Ryan’s parents– well enough that they treated him like he was a part of the family.

“What?” Shane distractedly asked, propping the phone against the laptop screen as he attempts to focus back on making notes for Ruining History’s latest research instead of musing about Ryan and his ability to turn Shane into a mess.

“You’ve been zoning out. Did you sleep? Look at those bags under your eyes!” His beloved mother shrilled, her worried expression filling the screen of his phone as though she was trying to take a better look of him.

“Don’t worry about me Ma, I’ve just been doing a lot of work.” Shane lied through his teeth while smiling at her as convincingly as he could. After all, he knows that he wouldn’t hear the end of it if he told her that he hasn’t slept much and was in a troubling dilemma.

“Where’s Ryan? I need him to keep an eye on you, you little liar.” Sherry tutted, causing Shane to swallow nervously at the mention of _him_. He knew that she meant well, but Ryan keeping an eye on him would truly sabotage the thing he’s doing.

“I haven’t seen him, actually. We’ve been too busy with research.” Shane smoothly answered, hiding the fact that he’s purposely avoiding Ryan in order to stop making a fool out of himself by doing goo goo eyes at Ryan every millisecond he’s around the man– or worse, by unthinkingly kissing Ryan because he did something adorable.

  
“Oh. It’s Ryan, isn’t it?” His mother asked, eyes too knowing as she looked at him, leaving a bitter bile at his throat– uncomfortable and unwanted.

“It’s not.” Shane nonchalantly replied, picking up his favorite red pen– the one that makes him look like a smartass, according to Ryan– before jotting down annotations on the paper that was filled with his notes and doodles.

“You should know by now that you can’t lie to your own mother.” Sherry sighed, fond exasperation tinting her tone, yet crystal clear through the phone speaker.

“Leave it, Ma.” Shane sternly said, ripping his eyes from the paper to glare at his mother with his pen pointing at her in threat.

“You finally realised it, haven’t you?” Sherry grinned, all smug and pleased as though she was some cat who got the canary; all while, completely ignoring the sharp as knife glare that Shane was giving her.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Shane huffed, rolling his eyes like some petulant teen before returning his gaze back to the paper so he doesn’t have to look at his mother’s pleased face.

It’s safe to say, that he now sympathises with how Ryan felt when Shane’s being all smug and insufferable.

  
  
“Oh, _darling_ – you should be happy.” Sherry earnestly said, voice filled with so much sympathy and tenderness that it made his eyes burn and his body stiff.

Thing is, the Madej family is anything but being solemn during serious discussions, so saying he was uncomfortable would be an understatement.

“I don’t want it.” Shane stiffly remarked, the finality and sureness of his tone was a complete contradiction to how he felt inside.

“Trust me, I know how you felt.” Sherry wistfully claimed, causing his attention to snap back to her from the sheer surprise that overwhelmed him.

“Huh. I thought you never felt it. I’ve seen you and dad.” Shane smirked cruelly, knowing that he needs to bring the conversation back to the light and playful route before things got too awkward and peculiar for them both.

“Now I’m offended. You should know better that it’s not like the movies.” Sherry sniffed playfully, allowing Shane to sway the conversation back to the comfort zone without much protest.

"I’m not going to–” Shane began to say, but was quickly cut off by a “Shane?” that was clearly said by a very familiar voice that could only belong to one Steven Lim.

“ _Jesus_ , what are you doing here?” Shane startled, eyes roaming on Steven’s smiling face and his lavender halo he calls hair, as though he was some deer caught in the headlights.

“I’ve been trying to find you.” Steven casually said, but the worry in his eyes and the strained and somewhat irritated tone in his voice made Shane suspicious and on high alert.

“Why?” Shane asked calmly.

“Ryan.” Steven sighed exasperatedly, immediately causing Shane to close off and shutter the moment _his_ name was spilled out of Steven’s mouth.

“Go and bother Andrew, I’m busy.” Shane flatly remarked, spinning his chair back to face his desk; only to find that his mother had yet to hang up and was listening intently to the conversation.

“This is what I mean. Something is going on with you and Ryan.” Steven frantically squeaked as his arms flailed expressively, prancing from the doorway to stand behind the laptop screen and glare at Shane who was avoiding his gaze.

“Nothing is.” Shane clipped, cold and aloof as the feeling of irritation crawled up his throat.

Shane has to admit that it was somewhat sweet that people cared about their friendship; however, when he was trying to keep the feelings at bay and basically facing a ‘Ryan’ withdrawal, the meddling just pisses him off.

“Ryan’s been like a lost and sad puppy, and here you are with your pissy attitude. I’m your friend–” Steven pouted and ranted, not realising that Shane was getting more and more pissed by the minute until–

“I’ll talk to him later. Happy?” Shane sharply remarked, flinging his red pen onto the table before standing up to his full height, barely batting an eye when Steven flinched at the sudden outburst and shrink in fear from the unwavering glare coming from Shane.

“You don’t know do you?” Steven meekly said, somehow looking small even though they were different only by a couple inches.

“What?” Shane snapped, only to calm down and sit back down when he heard a throat being cleared coming from the phone.

“He’s been out of it. Literally, I don’t think he has left the building for four days now.” Steven cautiously said, looking less meek and more so curious when Shane immediately sat the moment someone on his phone cleared their throat.

“Let me end the call.” Shane carefully said, his tone serious enough that it gave Steven no room for doubt.

“He’s in break room 3 with Andrew.” Steven said in farewell, quickly fleeing from the library with a new spring on his step and a relieved expression that seemed to flourish the moment he convinced Shane agreed to see Ryan.

“Darling?” Sherry called out, voice grounding Shane back from his frightening train of thought that involved a whole lot of Ryan dying or having a mental breakdown because he found out about Shane’s feelings.

“Yes Ma?” Shane quietly asked, still in the process of silencing any anxiety and fear in his head and calm himself down before he sees Ryan again.

“Take care of him.” Sherry sweetly said, an encouraging smile blooming on her face after she took in Shane’s face, as though she had found what she’s looking for.

“–love you.” Shane hesitated, feeling vulnerable yet certain as he said those foreign words.

“I love you too, Shane.” Sherry replied, glistening eyes and painfully fond smile was the last thing he saw before she ended the call.

***

When he found Ryan, he was hunched over his laptop, curled up on the red couch in the empty break room– not acknowledging or aware of Shane’s presence, even though he had opened the door a little too loud and was literally looming over Ryan’s form.

From the way his hair sticks against his forehead, to the red nose and sour smell of sweat coming off of him; it would be an understatement to say that he looked terrible. Hell, the little man looked so goddamn awful that Andrew didn’t even teased Shane about ‘saving the damsel in distress’ and opted to pat Shane’s shoulder consolingly as he looked at Ryan with pity in his eyes, before walking out of the room.

With Andrew gone and the panic simmered down, guilt and nerve settled at the bottom of his stomach like a dead weight. After all, this is the first time he’s alone with Ryan again after one week of avoiding the man.

“Ry?” Shane called out, voice barely a whisper and oh so hesitant.

As expected, Ryan simply snuffled and stared on the glaring bright laptop screen with strained, red-rimmed eyes.

Now, if he didn’t know Ryan better or love him, he would’ve been offended at the lack of response; however, since he knows Ryan all too well, the lack of reaction just confirmed his suspicion and doubled the guilt in size.

“Ryan? Buddy?” Shane called out once more, tone still soft and gentle yet firm and grounding as he closed the distance between them to place a hand on Ryan’s shoulder.

“Huh?” Ryan croaked from disuse, eyes bleary and confused behind his askew glasses as he looked up to meet Shane’s gaze.

“You with me?” Shane asked as he knelt down, observing Ryan’s widening eyes and slowly slumping shoulders; it was a rhetorical question but he knew that he had to keep talking to Ryan if he wanted Ryan to stay focused.

“Shane?” Ryan whispered hoarsely, recognition flashing in his eyes as he further slumped against Shane’s touch– the exhaustion finally catching up with him.

“Yes, baby.” Shane soothingly remarked as he gently squeezed Ryan’s arm, the pet name slipping out of his mouth so casually that it went flying past their heads.

“Wha–” Ryan began with question in his eyes, but stopped to sneeze loudly and projectile mucus on Shane’s face– causing the latter to flinch and automatically wipe said _fluids_.

Gross.

“M’ sorry.” Ryan sniffled apologetically, eyes wet and watery and mouth downturned as he looked at Shane.

“Don’t be. Let’s go home, yeah?” Shane softly offered, chest tightening at the look of Ryan’s pitiful expression; oh how tempting it was to wrap his arms around Ryan and just cuddle with him– no matter how disgusting and unhygienic it might be.

Yeah, Shane’s rationality is definitely weak and useless when it comes to Ryan. 

“Okay.” Ryan nodded but made no move to stand up or even gather his things; instead, he simply lifted his limp arms and wrapped it around Shane’s neck before pulling Shane towards him and tucking his head on the crook of Shane’s neck.

Right.

Silly Shane, of course he couldn’t move and needs to be carried.

Shit.

The prospect of having to carry Ryan bridal style, having Ryan close and flushed against him, having their nosy coworkers eyeing them as they whispered among themselves, having Ryan back in his home– in his space; it made his heart race and his stomach fluttering as if he was some kid with a stupid crush,

as if he was in love.

Well, he is.

Damn it.

“Sh’ne?” Ryan muffled out, mouth so close against his skin–warm and wet– that a shiver went down his spine and left his mouth dry.

“Lie down. I’ll pack the stuff first.” Shane said, his voice too low and guttural to come off as _not aroused_ as he gently pushed Ryan away; fortunately, Ryan was disoriented enough that he’s still pliant and listless– giving Shane the trust that he knows he doesn’t deserve.

Once he got Ryan all lied down on the couch, he hastily packed their things and chuck both his and Ryan’s stuff to the car carelessly before returning to Ryan who was on his way to dreamland; if the relaxed shoulders and shut eyes were any indication.

“Let’s go home Ry.” Shane whispered softly, hand automatically moving to sweep Ryan’s hair away from his forehead– an action he immediately regretted since Ryan’s head pushed closer into his touch in response, causing his heart to stutter like he’s about to get a cardiac arrest.

Oh, how _hilarious_ it would be, if he were to die because of Ryan Bergara’s adorable nature. 

***

“Shane m’ cold.” Ryan pitifully complained, voice scratchy and nasally as he shivered for the tenth time within the span of an hour, blotches of red peppering his cheeks and nose, and hair flat and sticky against his forehead from sweat– so adorable yet heart-wrenching.

“I’ll be back, Ry.” Shane replied, getting up from his spot on the bed to grab more blankets from the linen closet for Ryan, who looked like a blanket burrito from the obscene amount of blankets that was tightly wrapped around him.

He looks so soft and small that Shane can’t help but melt slightly.

“I’m sorry Shane.” Ryan meekly muffled out, his big brown eyes dull and red as he gazed at Shane remorsefully before wiping his nose with the sleeve of Shane’s tattered and too big sweater.

If Shane’s heart skipped a beat and his possessive side thrives from the sight, no one needs to know about it except himself.

“Don’t be sweetheart, it’s not your fault.” Shane cooed, patting Ryan’s head one last time before he shoots out of the room to hastily grab every blanket he has before rushing back to the room, where Ryan is now curled up on himself– sniffing softly and shivering like a puppy.

“Ryan?” Shane nudged him once he unceremoniously dumped the stack of blankets onto the bed, worry and dread coloring his vision when Ryan whimpered and stayed unresponsive.

Damn it.

He should’ve known better than to let Ryan out of his sight when he knew that the man is clearly in his conspiracy theorist headspace, where he doesn’t sleep or eat because he’s way too deep into making something crazy up to shut his brain off.

Damn Shane and his selfishness that drove him into avoiding Ryan like a plague ever since that movie night, all because he finally recognised what he’s feeling and got so _spooked_ by it that he can’t even look at Ryan’s eyes or interact with him like a normal human being.

Shane completely blames Elvis Presley and his romantic bullshit for turning him into a complete embarrassment.

“Ry?” He nudged Ryan once more, after all the blankets were all laid on top of the existing pile.

Thankfully, Ryan is responsive this time.

He wriggled like a worm under the blankets until his arms were out in the open before he made grabby hands at Shane’s direction– eyes barely open and face even more flushed than before.

“Cuddle.” He whined, making more impatient grabby hands when Shane stayed rooted on his spot; debating whether he should sacrifice his cardiac health for a cuddle session.

“Shaanee–” Ryan grumbled, wiggling even more so that he could sit up. The action made Shane’s rationalising and self-preservation jump out of the window, leading to him wrestling Ryan back and joining Ryan into the cocoon of blankets before wrapping his long limbs around the cuddle monster to keep him at bay.

Now that Ryan has what he wanted, he sighed contently and nestled deeper into Shane’s chest as if he’s trying to dig in deep bury himself into his tall friend. Shane, on the other hand, simply relaxed his limbs and form while paying no mind to his hummingbird heart that’s attempting to destroy his ribs.

Like Elsa said, ‘conceal don’t feel’ and all that bullshit.

“M’ sorry.” Ryan muffled out, voice barely audible that Shane wouldn’t be sure that Ryan had said anything if it weren’t for the damp warmth and vibration on his chest.

“Don’t say that. I’m the one who should be sorry for not being around these past few days.” Shane solemnly said, wrapping his arms impossibly tight around Ryan in an effort to really show his remorse.

“S’ okay.” Ryan softly replied, sighing happily as consciousness slowly seeped out of his shoulders, leaving him as pliant and boneless as a cat against the very much awake, overheated yet comfortable and soft Shane.

"Goodnight Ry." Shane fondly whispered against Ryan's jet black hair, hoping that Ryan was sleepy and unaware enough that he didn’t hear the tenderness and love that colored his voice as he selfishly savored the proximity and warmth.

“Night, Shane. Love you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter title is inspired by Nat King Cole's L.O.V.E.


	3. In the Still of the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane contemplates in the still of the night, that is until Ryan awakes and pillow talk occurs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive! Apologies for the long hiatus, I've only gotten my motivation back to write after the boys came back for a new season. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this new chapter :) (and yes, this isn't the final chapter just yet)
> 
> Also, thank you for all the support and love everyone, I greatly appreciate it.

Shane stared unblinkingly at Ryan’s sleeping form laid on top of him, mouth stretched to a hard frown as he took in the soft expression on Ryan’s face, legs numb under Ryan’s warm ones, all too wide awake and restless for someone who had been running on three hours of sleep for the past week.

_Love you_

_Love you_

It’s barely a whisper; barely a mumble, and yet his mind latched onto it like a starving man in the middle of a desert. It’s like a broken record in his mind; repeating relentlessly and viciously, taking up every inch of his brain.

_Love you_

_Love you_

There’s no way that it is true. It was probably a mishap caused by all the cough medicine Ryan drank, or perhaps he had mistaken Shane for his mother. There’s so many other reasons for that mishap, assuming that it’s because Ryan loves him is absolutely insensible.

Irrational.

He won’t give himself that sort of hope. He won’t put their friendship on the line.

Admittedly, their dynamic was quite an oddball for two guys in a platonic friendship, due to the sheer intimacy and closeness that they have.

However, it doesn’t mean that Ryan loves him.

After all, there’s nothing wrong with getting tactile or emotional with a buddy of yours; no matter what the toxic and homophobic society say. The way Ryan blushes, stutters and avoids Shane’s eyes every time someone presumed that they’re in a relationship further proves how much Ryan thinks of him as a mere friend.

One would argue, that Ryan doesn’t get affectionate or spend most of his 24 hours with his other best friends or housemates like he does with Shane, but it’s probably because his other best friends live miles away from him and that his housemates are the most stereotypical bros of all bros.

Undeniably, both of them had not been in a relationship these past 4 years; however, Ryan had said time and time again that he’s too busy making Unsolved a big thing and to make ends meet to even consider splurging on something as time and money consuming as a date.

_Yet, he doesn’t hesitate to spend money and time on you_ , the voice of ‘reasoning’ or should he say– the voice of a particular asshole named Scott, drolled out in his head as though he’s beyond exasperated with Shane’s antics.

Alright, Shane is not blind or dense, he knows that Ryan’s habit of spending money on him can be quite excessive, and be used for his love life instead. However, he too knows that Ryan is the type of person who likes to give when given, and the issue is, Shane loves to spend money on Ryan–be it for some brand new sneakers he had been drooling on, or for something as simple and mundane as buying him chipotle.

Whereas time, well– they do spend a lot of time together.

He can’t deny that.

From having their desks next to one another, to their shared show and projects; it was crystal clear that their work lives are entangled enough, that always being around each other is an unavoidable thing. As for outside of work, Shane assumes that their identical schedules and the fact that their friendship is an easy and effortless thing makes Shane a convenient and reliable choice for Ryan.

If Shane had a pleased look plastered on his face at the thought of being Ryan’s choice, well, no one is awake to be witness and prove–

“Shane?” Ryan whispered, all soft and sleepy as he sluggishly wiggled and rolled in Shane’s embrace until he could prop his chin on the latter’s chest; relieving Shane’s numb right arm from the crushing weight that is Ryan’s body.

“You startled me.” Shane hissed in annoyance, glad that the room is dark enough that Ryan wouldn’t be able to see his burning red cheeks.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” Ryan hushed out, voice still raw and breathy from sleep and his congested nose.

“Couldn’t.” Shane replied just as quietly, somehow fearful that if he were to bring his voice a notch higher, the whole atmosphere of serenity and intimacy would break.

“Thinking?” Ryan asked, his frown so palpable in his voice that Shane unthinkingly moved his hand to soothingly graze the back of Ryan’s neck with his thumb– only to stop when he felt Ryan shiver against him.

Fuck.

Okay.

Shane’s hand is probably too cold for Ryan. After all, he is literally bundled in dozens of blankets, two layers of Shane’s sweaters, and is currently running a fever; it makes sense that Shane’s hand would be freezing for the little guy.

The difference in temperature is the culprit here.

_Definitely._

“Yeah, you can say that.” Shane thickly said, moving his hand away from Ryan’s neck as discreetly as he could; hyper-aware of Ryan’s heat and every little movements he made on top of Shane.

“Give your big head a rest, it might swell more from all that thinking.” Ryan exasperatedly berated, giving Shane’s arm a playful swat before letting his hand stay on the exposed skin.

“You’re a fucking weirdo.” Shane wheezed, the awkwardness within him melting away into something fonder and familiar, so far gone that he finds Ryan’s peculiar and, frankly, insulting comment endearing.

“You are.” Ryan childishly retorted, sticking his tongue out petulantly before wheezing along with Shane– further displaying his maturity, or lack thereof.

“Child.” Shane smirked, trying to do his whole asshole bit that the fans knew him well for; however, instead of displaying a smug and patronizing tone that he had in mind, he sounds pathetically fond and disgustingly affectionate.

“Bigfoot.” Ryan quickly responded, the indignance in his tone softened around the edges by the sleepy quality of his voice and the lazy grin plastered on his face.

“You going back to sleep?” Shane raised a brow in question, keeping his voice playful and teasing as tried to stop himself from swooning at the sight of Ryan’s sunshine smile.

“Wanna talk to you.” Ryan shook his head, the blinding grin he had turned subdued and shy, complementing his soft mussed hair and hazy gleam of his eyes; the sheer beauty and serenity of it all was comparable to what he’d imagine heaven to be.

“Sleep is good Ry.” Shane couldn’t help but return the smile before he slid his hand up to ruffle Ryan’s hair, knowing that Ryan _hates_ it and that his response will distract Shane’s thoughts from mush-town as well as distract Ryan from how smitten he sounds.

Just as expected, Ryan unquestionably, honest-to-god, squealed like a pig as he half-heartedly roll away from Shane all while weakly batting Shane’s very long limbs away from the vicinity of his hair.

After a moment of wrestling and tickling amongst the atrocious amount of blanket, Ryan finally pleaded for truce before shamelessly plopping his short limbs on top of Shane impossibly long ones, both on their backs side by side, looking at the ceiling with unshed tears in their eyes from their wheeze-session and bodies fully exposed to the icy draft of the room; breathlessness obvious in each pant and puffs.

“You’re a fucking menace.” Ryan wheezed, echoes of his mirth carefully wrapping around the exhaustion and sleep in his voice and expression.

“Well, you didn’t want to sleep.” Shane dismissed in his signature devil-may-care attitude, looking at Ryan’s soft profile and killer jawline with as much playfulness and casualness he could muster in four in the fucking morning.

“Jesus. No wonder they call you a demon.” Ryan chuckled tiredly, tearing his eyes away from the ceiling to meet his gaze; looking so tender and tired that Shane could feeling the familiar tug of the strings in his heart.

“And what does that say about you? Hanging out with a demon and all.” Shane teased, the easy banter between them was like a familiar, warm and worn blanket on Shane; it was something that he’s used to– a comfort zone, so unlike the foreign and fragile atmosphere around them.

“Whatever.” Ryan rolled his eyes, punching on Shane’s arm with barely any strength, not in his usual pulling-his-punches manner; instead, it seemed as if he was genuinely too drained and ill to even make an effort.

“What a comeback.” Shane replied good-naturedly, adding the two-cents by slow clapping just to spite Ryan even more.

“Shut up, Shane.” Ryan quipped, voice and expression seemingly normal and healthy that Shane was almost fooled.

Almost–

As the moment he paused to make another ‘witty’ remark of his, he sneezed like a bunny before ending it with a grandiose bout of coughs and wheezes that could make an exerted old man run for his money.

Naturally, seeing Ryan coughing his lungs out brought worry back to the surface; so, no one could really blame him for instantly pulling Ryan into a sitting position and rubbing that said man’s back without thinking twice or– of Ryan’s personal space.

“Fucking hell, Ry– what did you do?” Shane frowned, his faked nonchalance and coolness sound too flat and unimpressed to even sound slightly convincing.

“Was doing research.” Ryan sheepishly mumbled, his red-face pulled into a combined expression of meek, guilt and fleets of exasperation; an expression that Shane had labeled long ago as the ‘Ryan did something that Shane finds to be incredibly stupid and yet he still does it.’

“On?” Shane frowned further, his tone clipped and filled with a healthy dose of suspicion.

“1518.” Ryan squeaked nervously, averting his eyes away from Shane’s face and lips pressed together into a tight line as if he had just uttered something deathly embarrassing– or in this case, fucking foolish.

“Seriously?” Shane questioned, words lodged in his throat in a strange manner; he knew through and through that Ryan would never give any time of his day to research and cover the Dancing Plague (which still is Shane’s favourite case to this day) unless it is–

“An apology and all.” Ryan whispered cautiously, his hands fidgeting nervously amidst the chaos that were damp blankets and sheets before tugging on the too long sweater sleeves furiously.

“Oh, _Ryan_.” Shane exhaled, a bitter taste sat on his mouth; oh how he had thoroughly fucked things over.

The heaviness of silence piled on between them like an invisible wall; separating and suffocating– Shane was bereft of words as guilt and hurt pulled him down, staring at Ryan as the latter turned and shuts himself away from Shane as though he couldn’t stand seeing Shane anymore.

“I didn’t mean to ignore you.” Shane whispered remorsefully, so softly that it was barely audible in the silent and still room.

Oh, how there were so many things he wanted to say: to explain what was truly going on and how it was his fault wholly and fully, how in love he was and how much of an asshole he was being towards Ryan when the latter wasn’t to blame and yet–

“Why?” Ryan finally spoke out, the tremble of his whisper like a knife stabbing his insides mercilessly, word so meek and short, yet it left his tongue heavy and hands sweaty; it seems that silence was the choice for his traitorous body.

“I’m going back to sleep. Night.” Ryan huffed moments later, moving to lay down with his million layers of blankets, facing away from Shane; however, he can’t hide the sniffles emitting through the room, the slight shake of his shoulders nor the way he curled around himself.

“I’m sorry.” Shane sighed inaudibly, pure agony streaming through his bloodstream as he could only helplessly watch Ryan cry himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is inspired by Fred Parris and The Satins' In the Still of the Night.
> 
> [SPOILER ALERT]
> 
> I'm sorry for being cruel. I had to do it. Ever since Avengers Endgame came out, I just felt the need to share my deep-seated sorrow and pain into my work. Not to mention, I do love a good angst.
> 
> Don't worry though, everything will be fluffy once more in the next one.

**Author's Note:**

> Please give me some constructive criticism or any comments! I would love to improve on my writing and to know whether you guys liked it or not.
> 
> Till next time.
> 
> -lis


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